Bad Medicine

To all of my imaginary readers out there...

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting much lately. It isn't for lack of love for this blog, or even that I have been particularly busy. (I should have been busy and wasn't, but that isn't the purpose of this post). No, I have actually been sitting right here on my ass, moodily doing puzzles (and little else) sinking deeper and deeper into my own personal pit of depression. Fun.

Last night it all came to a head and I collapsed sobbing on husband, confessing my total lack of value to society and my horrible lapse of integrity with everyone and everything in my life. And while part of my wailed woes were, indeed, true (I've got integrity work to do with several people, and have to work my ass off this weekend to catch up with my jobs), I suddenly had the realization that, huh, I had started takin Klonopin again and, wow, the last time I took it I ended up feeling, well, horribly depressed. Imagine that.

I hadn't been sleeping well at all, so I started taking just .25mg of the stuff (1/4 of my original script) so that I could actually get some rest. And it worked great, except for my becoming convinced that life wasn't really worth living LOL. SO. I guess I won't be taking that particular med again, even in tiny doses. Damn. I was sleeping so well too.

I'm going to the doctor on Monday to see if I can get a different script that will take care of the RLS without making me horribly depressed. Hopefully she'll be able to give me something that works but damn I'm so tired of the prescription stew I take. I wish I wish I wish that my brain was chemically balanced, and that my leg nerves still worked right, and that I could just be normal for once, instead of just approximating normal through drugs.

There's the update...hopefully I'll have something cheerier to post in a couple of days...