Epsom salts will take care of EVERYTHING....

...but not the turkey hangover.

If you read blogs at all you have already read about a thousand descriptions of everyones' various experiences at the Table of Turkey, and I won't bore you with another one. Needless to say, I baked a Bird, side dishes were served, everyone ate too much and aren't we all glad that is over for another year.

I also won't comment on Black Friday except to say that why the HELL does anyone voluntarily enter that particular level of consumer hell and, more to the point, why the FUCK do they have to involve me in it, if only tangentally?!? Perhaps I am a freak of nature, but I do not carry a running list of all the consumer products I want you to buy me and mine this year for Christmas in my head, and no, it is not convenient or even necessarily possible for me to very quickly email you this (non-existent) list RIGHT THIS FREAKIN SECOND because you have decided that you are going to do all of your shopping today. Please, do yourself and (more importantly) me a huge favor - give me a heads up a week in advance - click on the links I email you - and buy the crap ONLINE like any sane member of the 21st century. Thank you.

Now on to the epsom salts, which will, I swear - or at least hope - take care of everything. Especially because the alternatives, as Husband has taken great delight in telling me, involve truly horrible cutting of my bits.

You see, just when you thought it was over, the Saga of the Big Toe continues. I was not, alas, blogging when the Saga began so unless you know me personally and are brave (read: foolish) enough to ask, you will never know the entire thrilling story. I will simply sum up by saying I broke the big toe on my right foot in July and have had a variety of problems with it since. My toenail has been left a bit...deformed...by the whole experience, and last week decided to become most painfully ingrown. The ingrown part on the outside of my toe resolved itself with just a couple days of righteous pain, but the part on the inside of my toe just keeps getting more swollen and more painful. In the heels I wore yesterday, in fact, I would have to say that it was edging toward agony...so much so that I finally had to tell Husband about it. At which point he took great pleasure in describing the surgery for correcting ingrown toenails, which is far more extensive and, well, horrifying than I ever would have imagined. So much so, in fact, that I will not even begin to describe it here, but will simply continue to soak the toe in question in epsom salts with the desperate intention that everything will soften up, un-infect itself, and heal up just dandy without any slicing away of skin and removal of toenail whatsoever thankyouverymuch.

Epsom salts will take care of everything, by God...and if they don't, there had better be some mighty good drugs involved to enable me to hobble into the podiatrists...