Fingers, Fire, and Financial Woes

Well, I stuck my finger in the fire today, and contacted R. Stupid, I know. I don't even know what made me do it really, except, maybe, an innate inability to leave well enough alone. Yes, he talked to me, and, yes, it felt hollow, and yes, I now feel like crap. Then again, it's a different kind of crap...whereas before I felt like I missed him, now I clearly see (once again) that I miss what he used to be. It's like another spike of grief, but it helps me to separate a little bit more who he is and who he was...that's good, right?

Hopefully, at least, this particular little burn will kick him the hell out of my dreams. I've dreamed about R & T for two nights running, which has been freaking me the hell out since I almost never dream about people I know. Add that to the disturbing content of the dreams in general (strangely, R & T had nothing to do with that) and perhaps my lapse is understandable.

Or maybe I'm just the idiot I generally think I am...LOL

The financial woes are really getting to me right now. We were actually doing pretty good until Friday, when Husband's car broke down. I supposed we should have expected it, given the fact that he got his bonus on Thursday, and the Universe generally sees any extra money as an excuse to kick us in the financial nuts. Still, it is bad...as in, "we're gonna pay a mint to get the damn thing running again, but it won't run for long and we're looking for another car" bad. And unless I can somehow figure out how to shoot $200+ a month out my ass (suggestions, anyone?) a car payment will mean we don't have money for the Kidlet's kindergarten next year. Sigh. I'm sure that it will all work itself out - it always seems to - but I could do without the stress.

Anyways, that life here. Kidlet is at his grandma's tonight, so Husband and I are going to go grab a little Japanese food and come home to watch Eastern Promises. Guess that constitutes a "date" when you're old and married. Not that we can afford it, but what the hell. If we're gonna be broke, might as well be well fed.

I'm going to go take a painkiller and see if my mood improves, or if I just need to start stabbing kittens or something.