Epsom salts will take care of EVERYTHING....

...but not the turkey hangover.

If you read blogs at all you have already read about a thousand descriptions of everyones' various experiences at the Table of Turkey, and I won't bore you with another one. Needless to say, I baked a Bird, side dishes were served, everyone ate too much and aren't we all glad that is over for another year.

I also won't comment on Black Friday except to say that why the HELL does anyone voluntarily enter that particular level of consumer hell and, more to the point, why the FUCK do they have to involve me in it, if only tangentally?!? Perhaps I am a freak of nature, but I do not carry a running list of all the consumer products I want you to buy me and mine this year for Christmas in my head, and no, it is not convenient or even necessarily possible for me to very quickly email you this (non-existent) list RIGHT THIS FREAKIN SECOND because you have decided that you are going to do all of your shopping today. Please, do yourself and (more importantly) me a huge favor - give me a heads up a week in advance - click on the links I email you - and buy the crap ONLINE like any sane member of the 21st century. Thank you.

Now on to the epsom salts, which will, I swear - or at least hope - take care of everything. Especially because the alternatives, as Husband has taken great delight in telling me, involve truly horrible cutting of my bits.

You see, just when you thought it was over, the Saga of the Big Toe continues. I was not, alas, blogging when the Saga began so unless you know me personally and are brave (read: foolish) enough to ask, you will never know the entire thrilling story. I will simply sum up by saying I broke the big toe on my right foot in July and have had a variety of problems with it since. My toenail has been left a bit...deformed...by the whole experience, and last week decided to become most painfully ingrown. The ingrown part on the outside of my toe resolved itself with just a couple days of righteous pain, but the part on the inside of my toe just keeps getting more swollen and more painful. In the heels I wore yesterday, in fact, I would have to say that it was edging toward agony...so much so that I finally had to tell Husband about it. At which point he took great pleasure in describing the surgery for correcting ingrown toenails, which is far more extensive and, well, horrifying than I ever would have imagined. So much so, in fact, that I will not even begin to describe it here, but will simply continue to soak the toe in question in epsom salts with the desperate intention that everything will soften up, un-infect itself, and heal up just dandy without any slicing away of skin and removal of toenail whatsoever thankyouverymuch.

Epsom salts will take care of everything, by God...and if they don't, there had better be some mighty good drugs involved to enable me to hobble into the podiatrists...

3 best things about my car

Aside, of course, from the fact that she is a Bug ;P



3. The sound system
Damn, this rocks! 6 speakers in a tiny domed space, turned to 11, make for a seriously immersive sound experience. Of course, the effect is dampened a bit when it's Buck Howdy blaring "Buffalo Bill (Only Ate Baked Beans)"...

2. The moon roof
This makes the Bug feel so much bigger that I never close the cover on it, and it is fabulous to open it when the car is stuffy, even in the winter, because it doesn't blow the kid out of the back seat.

Now, up until yesterday I would have said that the moon roof was the #1 best feature of the car. But yesterday morning was the first truly cold morning of the winter, and now I know better. I actually made fun of this feature as being "for sissies", but now understand that it is one of the miracles of the modern world, and a little bit of heaven included in my car...

1. HEATED SEATS

My butt has never been happier!

My special magic

Well, I did it.

After about a week & a half of putting tiny bits of gas in my car - just a gallon or two to keep her running - while waiting for the price of gas to drop below $3 / gallon, I decided that it was time to work my special magic. The people of Lexington were tired of waiting - they needed a break - it was time for me to fill my tank and thus lower the price of gas.

13+ gallons (at $3.02) and $40.22 later, it was done. I told the woman as I paid that I was lowering the price of gas through this purchase. She scoffed, she did not believe, she said the price of gas would only continue to rise.

Oh ye of little faith.

Later that night, the price dropped to $2.95 at the gas station on the corner, and has not risen since. Of course, I still have 3/4 of a tank left, so it has a good week or more before it has to rise to screw me over.

If only I could use my powers for my own good...

Bad Blogger

Bad, bad blogger.

No posts in almost exactly a month and you, my fictional readers, have missed a lot. I had a birthday (my 37th) and had a party for myself (lots of fun being had over beer cheese and roast lamb), helped my mom clear out the house I grew up in (depressing depressing depressing), had a very hopeful doctor's visit, and generally had lots of quirky commentary on my life running through my mind...none of which I managed to blog.

Disappointed? Well, bite me.

I did not and do not intend to spend a lot of time on this blog bitching about my most personal problems - my daily life, my kid, what the hell's for dinner, yes, but chemical imbalances and the pain "friends" can cause and my general emotional volitility, no. SO. I won't say much about what has kept me away except to say that neurontin fucks me up and when friends betray my trust it destroys part of my heart and holding it together as a mom when depression has me wanting to crawl under my bed is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I hope that I can post more frequently but considering the fact that I could barely remember how to speak today and I'm struggling just to not fall too far behind with work (trying to keep up is just pointless it seems), the amount of time I spend talking to people who don't really exist probably won't be great.