Sunday Meditation

NOT!!!


Oh, the decadence! Kidlet was at his grandparents' for the weekend, and I got to sleep as late as I wanted to this morning....mmmmmmmm. Of course, I slept so late that I completely missed church so I guess I'm going to he...oh wait...I'm a UU...we don't go there LOL

Last night - a real live date night, where we actually went out - was a lot of fun. We ate Mexican (of course) and went to the tattoo shop to look at flash for my new tattoo. (Damn Mere for planting that idea in my head! Damn her!) I saw lots that I liked, which sucks because I'm apparently not going to be getting one for less than $120...which means I probably won't be getting one at all. B thought that was silly but honestly, if I get $120 all in one place, I've got more urgent things to spend it on! Ah well...maybe by the time I can afford to get my eyes done I can get a new tattoo to look at with the new eyes.

After the tattoo parlor, B and I fulfilled a decades-long curiosity and finally went to Cowboys. For those of you not familiar with this fine establishment, it is the strip club behind the apartments where we lived while we were in college (you know, in the hood). Alas, Cowboys did not live up to our imaginings. From the number of fights (most involving pool cues) that we watched behind that club from our balcony so many years ago, we both expected it to be a real root-tootin' place. Instead, it was oddly...prudish. No energy drinks served (who the frell doesn't stock Red Bull?!?) and the guy at the door warned us before he would take our money that they don't "allow" their girls to do lap dances for women. I mean, WTF?!? Like the guys there weren't paying the dancers extra to fake a little girl-on-girl action! Whatever. We each had a drink, watched women who were so bored they were scornful unenthusiastically wiggle around, and left. Such a disappointment...the mythical Cowboys was a bore.

We ended up at BG Connections, which turned out to be good fun. One thing you can say about the local swingers is that they are incredibly friendly and outgoing LOL. We drank a bit more, met a few people (including one guy who just wouldn't take a hint that I really wasn't interested), and watched some extremely enthusiastic women seriously work the stage (and the girl-on-girl was definitely not faked LOL). Aside from the splitting headache I got from the smoke, I had a great time.

Bad Medicine

To all of my imaginary readers out there...

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting much lately. It isn't for lack of love for this blog, or even that I have been particularly busy. (I should have been busy and wasn't, but that isn't the purpose of this post). No, I have actually been sitting right here on my ass, moodily doing puzzles (and little else) sinking deeper and deeper into my own personal pit of depression. Fun.

Last night it all came to a head and I collapsed sobbing on husband, confessing my total lack of value to society and my horrible lapse of integrity with everyone and everything in my life. And while part of my wailed woes were, indeed, true (I've got integrity work to do with several people, and have to work my ass off this weekend to catch up with my jobs), I suddenly had the realization that, huh, I had started takin Klonopin again and, wow, the last time I took it I ended up feeling, well, horribly depressed. Imagine that.

I hadn't been sleeping well at all, so I started taking just .25mg of the stuff (1/4 of my original script) so that I could actually get some rest. And it worked great, except for my becoming convinced that life wasn't really worth living LOL. SO. I guess I won't be taking that particular med again, even in tiny doses. Damn. I was sleeping so well too.

I'm going to the doctor on Monday to see if I can get a different script that will take care of the RLS without making me horribly depressed. Hopefully she'll be able to give me something that works but damn I'm so tired of the prescription stew I take. I wish I wish I wish that my brain was chemically balanced, and that my leg nerves still worked right, and that I could just be normal for once, instead of just approximating normal through drugs.

There's the update...hopefully I'll have something cheerier to post in a couple of days...